Oscar fiasco part I
"This is how you can enjoy the present while dreading the future, regretting the past, and not even honestly enjoying the present."
-Chelsea Martin from “even though i don’t miss you” http://www.hobartpulp.com/books/even-though-i-don-39-t-miss-you
Love this snippet from Chelsea Martin’s book “even though i don’t miss you" which I picked up at & Pens Press tonight. It’s pretty spot on about the disappointments of a mundane, long-term relationship. Also, the quiet, bright moments that can still be a nice surprise.
"Being in a relationship for a very long time feels just like being single except that I can’t remember the last time I was alone for more than five hours.
You and I were turning into the same person and growing apart simultaneously, which felt like finally getting the one thing I always wanted, which was learning not to want that particular thing.
What I look for in a relationship is feeling good all the time, but I’ll settle for feeling bad all the time. But maybe I shouldn’t use the word ‘relationship’ unless I’m saying it sarcastically.
I would never say this to you, because we always got in fights over stuff like this, but I got this really intense feeling of love for you one time while I was watching you sew a button onto your shirt. I was totally overcome by your beauty or vulnerability or something, and I got caught up in the moment and secretly opened your computer and upgraded you to Hulu Plus.”
Every single day, I get emails from aspiring writers asking my advice about how to become a writer, and here is the only advice I can give: Don’t make stuff because you want to make money — it will never make you enough money. And don’t make stuff because you want to get famous — because you will never feel famous enough. Make gifts for people — and work hard on making those gifts in the hope that those people will notice and like the gifts.
Maybe they will notice how hard you worked, and maybe they won’t — and if they don’t notice, I know it’s frustrating. But, ultimately, that doesn’t change anything — because your responsibility is not to the people you’re making the gift for, but to the gift itself.
It doesn’t matter what time of day you work, but you have to work every day because creation, like life, is always slipping away from you. You must write every day, but there’s no time limit on how long you have to write.
One day you might read over what you’ve done and think about it. You pick up the pencil or turn on the computer, but no new words come. That’s fine. Sometimes you can’t go further. Correct a misspelling, reread a perplexing paragraph, and then let it go. You have re-entered the dream of the work, and that’s enough to keep the story alive for another 24 hours.
The next day you might write for hours; there’s no way to tell. The goal is not a number of words or hours spent writing. All you need to do is to keep your heart and mind open to the work.
beings like this:
We are more likely
to kill ourselves
than be killed
by someone else.
I am the pistol
saying, I will only
say this once.”
- excerpt from “X” a poem by Matt Rasmussen from his collection Black Aperture wrestling with his brother’s suicide. The entire collection is worth reading.